Thursday, October 11, 2012
Male Purity: an SJE Testimonial
I Am Many Things...A Testimonial on Purity
I am many things… I am blessed to be a very happily married husband and father. I am a working professional with graduate degrees. I am an active parishioner at SJE. And I am a recovering pornography addict. However, with the help of God’s grace, the support and prayers of my wife and the Men in Christ ministry, I am now healing.
For many men, this temptation is seemingly impossible to overcome. But nothing, even this addiction, is impossible to overcome or conquer with the help of God, the sacraments, family, and others. The first step in my experience is most importantly admitting to self, God, and spouse (that was by far the hardest), that you have an addiction. Next is seeking help from whatever and whomever it takes. The Men in Christ ministry of St. John the Evangelist parish is a confidential group of men who help others that are struggling with this addiction while healing themselves.
Job 31:1 – “I have made a covenant with my eyes…” This is the motto of an internet filtering (and accountability) service. Having accountability to others, whether they are your spouse, deacon, or fellow church members is crucial. Several internet filtering services provide not only “blocking” of pornographic materials, but also regularly send e-mail summaries of “what your eyes have been seeing” to your accountability partner(s). From personal experience, this option was and continues to be invaluable to help me overcome this addiction.
“...God does not expect you to make that climb from the bottom of this dark pit on your own. He will stand at the top of the pit with His hand stretched down to you, helping you up and welcoming you when you reach the top again. ” St. Joseph, pray for us and help me become the husband, father, and son that God knows I can be and my family deserves.
Yes, I am many things…. now I am becoming a new creation in Christ who strengthens me! - anonymous SJE parishioner
Learn more about SJE's Men in Christ ministry and how they can help you live a life of purity.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Reflections from Father Maletta
Father Maletta on the Sanctity of Life (10/5/2008 Respect Life Sunday)
"...Never have we seen such abusive criticism directed towards those who believe that life begins at conception and ends with natural death. In the public forum today, if you speak a pro-life message you are immediately targeted and characterized as some kind of nut and extremist. So this pro-life Sunday becomes more important than ever before.
But as Catholics, we should not be surprised by the developments. Forty years ago, when Pope Paul VI issued the encyclical Humanae Vitae, which was uniformly criticized, put aside, late night TV comedians made fun of it, it became the but of many jokes. But in that encyclical, the Pope predicted that the widespread use of artificial contraceptives would lead to an increase in marital infidelity, lessen the regard for women, and a general lowering of moral standards, especially among the young. Now we look at this 40 years later and social scientists, not necessarily Catholics, attest to the accuracy of his predictions. As if we were following some bizarre script. The sexual revolution has produced widespread marital breakdown. Actually, 52% of all marriages end in divorce. Think about that. More marriages fail than succeed these days. And the statistics do no change when you look at Catholic marriages versus other marriages. The same exact statistics apply. And when the family breaks down, all kinds of other things happen..."
Listen to the full homily
> Learn more about God's plan for marriage and family: Natural Family Planning. Visit SJE's NFP Network for more information.
> Find help for hurting marriages with Retrouvaille...a Lifeline for Married Couples Local weekends are held 5-6 times per year as well as hundreds of locations worldwide.
"...Never have we seen such abusive criticism directed towards those who believe that life begins at conception and ends with natural death. In the public forum today, if you speak a pro-life message you are immediately targeted and characterized as some kind of nut and extremist. So this pro-life Sunday becomes more important than ever before.
But as Catholics, we should not be surprised by the developments. Forty years ago, when Pope Paul VI issued the encyclical Humanae Vitae, which was uniformly criticized, put aside, late night TV comedians made fun of it, it became the but of many jokes. But in that encyclical, the Pope predicted that the widespread use of artificial contraceptives would lead to an increase in marital infidelity, lessen the regard for women, and a general lowering of moral standards, especially among the young. Now we look at this 40 years later and social scientists, not necessarily Catholics, attest to the accuracy of his predictions. As if we were following some bizarre script. The sexual revolution has produced widespread marital breakdown. Actually, 52% of all marriages end in divorce. Think about that. More marriages fail than succeed these days. And the statistics do no change when you look at Catholic marriages versus other marriages. The same exact statistics apply. And when the family breaks down, all kinds of other things happen..."
Listen to the full homily
> Learn more about God's plan for marriage and family: Natural Family Planning. Visit SJE's NFP Network for more information.
> Find help for hurting marriages with Retrouvaille...a Lifeline for Married Couples Local weekends are held 5-6 times per year as well as hundreds of locations worldwide.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Forming Our Youth: Generosity
a Marriage-Building Parish Building Block
We must form young people in the beliefs and virtues necessary for healthy relationships. > Read more about this building block
As part of the Marriage Building Parish initiative, the Catholic Family Institute, with permission from Four Court Press LTD, will feature excerpts from Mr. Isaac’s book each month in the bulletin and on this blog.
Character Building: A Guide for Parents and Teachers by David Isaacs
In his book, Mr. Isaacs explores twenty-four virtues we should develop to have more “self-mastery and better serve others,” abilities we all hope our children will have. Recognizing that the example we set leaves a more lasting impression on our children than the words we say, each chapter includes a description of a virtue and a series of questions that help assess how well you are living that virtue and how well you are helping to develop the virtue in children/students.
The first virtue discussed is Generosity.
Generosity involves unselfishly and cheerfully sacrificing for the benefit of others something that we could use for our own benefit. We can be generous with our things( money, food, and tangible possessions). We can also be generous with our time (listening to people, helping them with a favor or project, volunteering for a ministry or cause). However, generosity also calls us to be willing to accept help from others and to let them be generous to us.
A truly generous person must:
- be aware of the value of that which is being given.
- give according to the true needs of others.
- give to all and not only those he/she likes or who can repay in some way in the future.
- be motivated by the Love of God and the belief that all people are created in His Image and are deserving of help and service.
- be able to forgive those who have wronged her/him.
Answer the following questions and discuss your reflections with a spouse/friend.
Am I Generous Myself?
- Do I recognize what my talents are and put them at the service of others?
- Do I carry out the following actions quite frequently: lend things, give things away, am available, listen to others, make reasonable demands? Am I willing even to sacrifice the time I spend on hobbies for the good of others?
- Do I let people be generous to me?
Do I Teach Others to Be Generous?
- Do I offer the children opportunities to decide freely if they are prepared to carry out actions to help others?
- Do I help the children discover what their reasons are for helping others?
- Do I try to find ways of helping the children overcome their tendency to want to be easy-going, and to overcome their laziness or their lack of interest, in order to start worrying about others?
Please share your thoughts and comments.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Are we done? an SJE Testimonial
My wife and I had been promoters of [Natural Family Planning] for years and were on the verge of becoming certified NFP instructors. We had practiced NFP successfully for the first 10 years of our marriage — we achieved pregnancy within a month or two for each of our planned three children and avoided pregnancy when we prayerfully discerned it was not the right time. We were thrilled with the accuracy of NFP and its benefits for our marriage and spiritual lives.
Then the shocker came: an unplanned pregnancy. I was upset because I thought we had practiced NFP “by the book” and experienced method error. I was very angry since I had already opened my heart to God’s will and stretched my boundaries by moving forward with a third child — something I never expected to desire. Now God was giving us another child, with little room left in our house and all our baby items sold of in a garage sale the summer before. Ire boiled up inside me as I considered the situation: we would need a bigger house and the higher bills that come with it; we would have to attempt to defend NFP when it had so clearly failed us; and we would need to stave of the ridicule of our parents, siblings, friends and acquaintances who think we are foolish for not utilizing contraception or sterilization.
During a brutal week of soul searching, questioning and not being too pleased with God, my wife sought the counsel of a wise mother in our parish. When my wife and I sat down to talk the issue out, she passed on her friend’s thoughts. Her analysis was very straight-forward — if you’re going to talk the talk, then you have to walk the walk. For years I told others how NFP opens your life to God’s will and solidifies a pro-life attitude. Now it was time for me to accept the situation and respond accordingly.
After that night my attitude remarkably improved. I made my peace with God, my wife and my new child. My wife and I formed a united front to respond to others’ criticisms. And my wife and I moved forward with all the work required to acquire a new home and accepted the financial sacrifices required to accommodate the new addition.
Now our daughter is 20-months-old. Life is harder with a toddler as lack of sleep, continual monitoring, and diaper changing take their toll. Still, we are blessed with a unique, beautiful, and snuggly baby girl, a perfect new house in a wonderful neighborhood, a surprisingly better financial footing than forecasted and a deeper faith in God.
Oh, and looking back on the circumstances of the supposed method error that led to the unexpected pregnancy, we detected no fewer than five separate instances of user error during the cycle we conceived. We have since modified our NFP witness talk to include three perfectly planned pregnancies and one unexpected blessing achieved through comically poor practice of NFP. We have learned that God always provides, even when our intelligence is nowhere to be found! - Jim Czarnik
Jim's testimony was published in the July/August 2012 issue of Family Foundations. Read similar testimonies from couples as they discerned family size at the Art of NFP blog as well.
Visit SJE's NFP Network to learn more about Natural Family Planning classes, the method, video testimonies and more.
Then the shocker came: an unplanned pregnancy. I was upset because I thought we had practiced NFP “by the book” and experienced method error. I was very angry since I had already opened my heart to God’s will and stretched my boundaries by moving forward with a third child — something I never expected to desire. Now God was giving us another child, with little room left in our house and all our baby items sold of in a garage sale the summer before. Ire boiled up inside me as I considered the situation: we would need a bigger house and the higher bills that come with it; we would have to attempt to defend NFP when it had so clearly failed us; and we would need to stave of the ridicule of our parents, siblings, friends and acquaintances who think we are foolish for not utilizing contraception or sterilization.
During a brutal week of soul searching, questioning and not being too pleased with God, my wife sought the counsel of a wise mother in our parish. When my wife and I sat down to talk the issue out, she passed on her friend’s thoughts. Her analysis was very straight-forward — if you’re going to talk the talk, then you have to walk the walk. For years I told others how NFP opens your life to God’s will and solidifies a pro-life attitude. Now it was time for me to accept the situation and respond accordingly.
After that night my attitude remarkably improved. I made my peace with God, my wife and my new child. My wife and I formed a united front to respond to others’ criticisms. And my wife and I moved forward with all the work required to acquire a new home and accepted the financial sacrifices required to accommodate the new addition.
Now our daughter is 20-months-old. Life is harder with a toddler as lack of sleep, continual monitoring, and diaper changing take their toll. Still, we are blessed with a unique, beautiful, and snuggly baby girl, a perfect new house in a wonderful neighborhood, a surprisingly better financial footing than forecasted and a deeper faith in God.
Oh, and looking back on the circumstances of the supposed method error that led to the unexpected pregnancy, we detected no fewer than five separate instances of user error during the cycle we conceived. We have since modified our NFP witness talk to include three perfectly planned pregnancies and one unexpected blessing achieved through comically poor practice of NFP. We have learned that God always provides, even when our intelligence is nowhere to be found! - Jim Czarnik
Jim's testimony was published in the July/August 2012 issue of Family Foundations. Read similar testimonies from couples as they discerned family size at the Art of NFP blog as well.
Visit SJE's NFP Network to learn more about Natural Family Planning classes, the method, video testimonies and more.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Couple Prayer: Top 10 Love Stories
Continuing on our theme from last month of using the Bible as a resource for couple prayer - here's a list of "Top 10 Love Stories" recently published in Our Sunday Visitor. Spend time reading the passages together and prayerfully meditate upon the scripture. Discuss how each passage makes you feel, if it reminds you of a particular season or experience in your own marriage, and what virtues or lessons our Lord is sharing with you.
10. Tobiah and Sarah (Tb 7–8): A classic story of love at first sight, this couple overcame personal tragedy to establish a long-lasting relationship founded on prayer.
9. The Woman of Worth and Her (Unnamed) Husband (Prv 31:10–31): A lovely poem praising a woman who can do it all! She and her husband have a wonderful partnership, using their gifts to the benefit of their family and community.
8. Hosea and Gomer (Hos 1–3): Though their marriage was fraught with infidelity and difficulties, their love story speaks to the healing power of forgiveness and its necessity in any loving relationship.
7. Abraham and Sarah (Gn 12–23): No one can say that Abraham and Sarah had it easy. They faced a long move away from family, jealousy and the challenge of infertility, yet their love was the foundation of a new people, living in covenant with the one true God.
6. Moses and Zipporah (Ex 2,4,18; Nm 12): While in exile from Egypt, Moses married Zipporah, the daughter of the Midianite priest, Jethro. Though Moses was criticized for taking a foreign wife, Zipporah showed great respect for her husband’s faith and his mission.
5. Zechariah and Elizabeth (Lk 1–2): These parents of John the Baptist provide a model of lifelong fidelity and righteousness, living their marital love in the heart of their close-knit faith community.
4. Jacob and Rachel (Gn 29–30): Tricked into marrying her older sister, Jacob worked for Rachel’s father an additional seven years to earn her hand in marriage. Jacob and Rachel remind us that true love always requires effort and sacrifice.
3. The Bride and Groom in the Song of Songs (Song 1–8): This young couple reminds us that passion is not a modern invention! After all, who could resist hearing their beloved say, “You ravished my heart with one glance of your eyes” (Song 4:9)? Their effusive love for each other speaks to the beauty of loving desire at the heart of a marriage.
2. Joseph and Mary (Mt 1–2; Lk 1–2): Though this marriage definitely faced difficulties, even before it started, Joseph and Mary’s faith in each other and, even more, in God, allowed them to face each hardship and create a loving family to nurture God’s own Son.
1. God and his people: At its heart, the entire Bible is the story of the love God has for the people he created in his own image and likeness. From the Old Testament images of Israel as the Bride of the Lord to the New Testament images of the Church as the Bride of Christ, God’s love remains constant and unfailing. Though we often reject his love, God never withdraws, never walks away, even sending his only-begotten Son to offer the gift of salvation and everlasting life! And that gift is still offered to us today!
10. Tobiah and Sarah (Tb 7–8): A classic story of love at first sight, this couple overcame personal tragedy to establish a long-lasting relationship founded on prayer.
9. The Woman of Worth and Her (Unnamed) Husband (Prv 31:10–31): A lovely poem praising a woman who can do it all! She and her husband have a wonderful partnership, using their gifts to the benefit of their family and community.
8. Hosea and Gomer (Hos 1–3): Though their marriage was fraught with infidelity and difficulties, their love story speaks to the healing power of forgiveness and its necessity in any loving relationship.
7. Abraham and Sarah (Gn 12–23): No one can say that Abraham and Sarah had it easy. They faced a long move away from family, jealousy and the challenge of infertility, yet their love was the foundation of a new people, living in covenant with the one true God.
6. Moses and Zipporah (Ex 2,4,18; Nm 12): While in exile from Egypt, Moses married Zipporah, the daughter of the Midianite priest, Jethro. Though Moses was criticized for taking a foreign wife, Zipporah showed great respect for her husband’s faith and his mission.
5. Zechariah and Elizabeth (Lk 1–2): These parents of John the Baptist provide a model of lifelong fidelity and righteousness, living their marital love in the heart of their close-knit faith community.
4. Jacob and Rachel (Gn 29–30): Tricked into marrying her older sister, Jacob worked for Rachel’s father an additional seven years to earn her hand in marriage. Jacob and Rachel remind us that true love always requires effort and sacrifice.
3. The Bride and Groom in the Song of Songs (Song 1–8): This young couple reminds us that passion is not a modern invention! After all, who could resist hearing their beloved say, “You ravished my heart with one glance of your eyes” (Song 4:9)? Their effusive love for each other speaks to the beauty of loving desire at the heart of a marriage.
2. Joseph and Mary (Mt 1–2; Lk 1–2): Though this marriage definitely faced difficulties, even before it started, Joseph and Mary’s faith in each other and, even more, in God, allowed them to face each hardship and create a loving family to nurture God’s own Son.
1. God and his people: At its heart, the entire Bible is the story of the love God has for the people he created in his own image and likeness. From the Old Testament images of Israel as the Bride of the Lord to the New Testament images of the Church as the Bride of Christ, God’s love remains constant and unfailing. Though we often reject his love, God never withdraws, never walks away, even sending his only-begotten Son to offer the gift of salvation and everlasting life! And that gift is still offered to us today!
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Resource Referral: The 2 Degree Difference
Borrow this easy-to-read, and easy-to implement, marriage resource from the Lending Library:
"The 2 Degree Difference: How Small Things Can Change Everything"
by John Trent, Ph.D.
"All our lives we've been told that 'big problems' require 'big solutions' and that taking big steps is the best way to reach our most sought after goals.
Dr. Trent shares in The 2 Degree Difference that this theory creates more problems than solutions. So many people start and fail diets that promise "huge changes" and deliver nothing, or read books or go to seminars that promise to make 180 degree changes in our relationships and spiritual life, and yet people 'wake up' and discover they haven't really moved an inch toward where they really want to go.
The 2 Degree Difference provides a solution to that problem. It shows that by making small changes in your life, not only can you accomplish that 180 degree transformation, but you can also sustain it as well.
This inspiring and entertaining book is perfect for anyone looking to make long lasting changes in their life."
Learn more about Dr. John Trent at his Strong Families website.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Reflections from Father Maletta
December 17, 2006: Father Maletta's homily begins with the story of a marriage, an illustration where every person can find a piece of their own story when marriage becomes more challenging and less rewarding than anticipated.
The words of St. Paul command:
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I shall say it again: rejoice! Your kindness should be known to all. The Lord is near. Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me. Then the God of peace will be with you." (Philippians 4:4-9)
Father Maletta explains...
"[God's] love established joy and peace in heaven. And when given a chance here on earth, can be active in human society today...
How do you reconcile a command to rejoice, with a life that offers little to rejoice over? Is it possible to reconcile a feeling of personal hopelessness with a season of hope? Yeah. Certainly. Of course! How? Well, start by thinking less about yourselves and more about God."
Listen to the full homily
The words of St. Paul command:
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I shall say it again: rejoice! Your kindness should be known to all. The Lord is near. Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me. Then the God of peace will be with you." (Philippians 4:4-9)
Father Maletta explains...
"[God's] love established joy and peace in heaven. And when given a chance here on earth, can be active in human society today...
How do you reconcile a command to rejoice, with a life that offers little to rejoice over? Is it possible to reconcile a feeling of personal hopelessness with a season of hope? Yeah. Certainly. Of course! How? Well, start by thinking less about yourselves and more about God."
Listen to the full homily
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