Reflections from Father Maletta

Father Maletta on Worries and the Culture (11/18/2012 - Be Not Afraid)

"...In his great wisdom, [John Paul II] insisted we put together a Catechism of the Catholic Church because in the middle ages, the faithful depended on the priest to tell you the truth.  To teach you.  But everything now is in black and white.  ...When I tell you what the church teaches, test me! ...If I'm telling you what the church teaches, sit up and take notice.  Because that comes from the Holy Spirit.  ...It's not happening in too many places and I worry about that.

...[Natural law] is the law built into creation, that we can look at and see what God wants us to do.  With natural law as our guide and Christian values there to support us, we can see that these behaviors are right and good, and these behaviors are wrong and bad.

...I worry mostly about you [my parishioners] - especially your marriages.  I had an opportunity to sit down with lots of different Protestant ministers...and I asked them what is the one thing that keeps you awake at night that you worry about? Every single minister at the table said marriage.

...Here's the reality my friends: ...The people that are sitting there and won't go to [marriage enrichment programs] will be the people that come back to me in the next year and say with shock on their face - she/he doesn't want to be married anymore.  Why are all the Protestant ministers and Catholic priests so concerned?  Because it's an avalanche of failed marriage.  We don't know what to do!  ...We finally have programs that are trying to help people and we can't get you to go to them!  What are you waiting for?  I worry about that!

...Mark my words, in twenty years it'll be a 70 percent [divorce rate].  In twenty years, if this historic shift continues there'll be no right or wrong - then what's the point in getting married at all?  It will be a very rare thing for someone to be married more than 10 or 15 years, because it's hard.  Those of you who are married know how hard it is.  You know that you have disagreements and misunderstandings and you hurt each other.  You say things you shouldn't to each other and you regret it and you feel guilty.  You get pulled back and forth and you know how hard it is.

...I hear it over and over and over.  People say to me: "We're getting a divorce but I think it's the best thing for the kids."  Do you think you're talking to an idiot?  I think I'm talking to an idiot at that point.  It's better for the kids?  Really?!  ...We are loving our children so much that we are damaging them.  I worry about that."  Listen to full homily

*****

Retrouvaille - a Lifeline for Married Couples

Radiant diamonds come from coal. Glorious beauty is produced under intense pressure. Is your marriage (or that of a loved one or friend) facing the pressure of disillusionment, separation or divorce? Retrouvaille of Northwest Indiana has helped couples experiencing marital difficulty at all levels, including deep misery Do not lose hope!  Healing is only a phone call away with Retrouvaille.

For more information, call (708) 802-1830 or (800) 470-2230.  Your call is confidential and will not be subject to third party discussion.  The next local Retrouvaille weekend is held January 25 - 27, 2013 in Chesterton, Indiana.  Call for additional dates or weekend locations or visit www.retrouvaille.org.

Forming our Youth: Perseverance

Forming Our Youth:
a Marriage-Building Parish Building Block

We must form young people in the beliefs and virtues necessary for healthy relationships. > Read more about this building block

As part of the Marriage Building Parish initiative, the Catholic Family Institute, with permission from Four Court Press LTD, will feature excerpts from Mr. Isaac’s book each month in the bulletin and on this blog.



Character Building: A Guide for Parents and Teachers by David Isaacs

In his book, Mr. Isaacs explores twenty-four virtues we should develop to have more “self-mastery and better serve others,” abilities we all hope our children will have.  Recognizing that the example we set leaves a more lasting impression on our children than the words we say, each chapter includes a description of a virtue and a series of questions that help assess how well you are living that virtue and how well you are helping to develop the virtue in children/students.

The next virtue discussed is Perseverance.

We persevere when we resolutely pursue a goal, even overcoming internal and external difficulties and resisting temptations to do so. It is important to note that blindly pursuing a goal that is clearly imprudent or no longer feasible or meaningful is not a worthy virtue. Perseverance is not the same as mere routine.

Parents should work to develop this virtue in children, particularly between the ages of 7 and 13 by:

• Working with your child to set goals that are related to her/his abilities and character and that she/he can “buy” into.
• Breaking the goal down into manageable, progressive steps that she/he can take over time.
• Showing her/him specifically how to complete each step. Do not assume that she/he knows how to do it.
• Fostering a sense of pride in your child, so that she/he feels the importance of what she/he as set out to achieve.
• Letting your child know what help may be necessary along the way and where she/he can find that help.

Answer the following questions and discuss your reflections with a spouse/friend.

Do I Persevere?

• Do I set goals for myself and fix stages towards these goals in order to check whether I am making progress?
• When I set up a new goal, do I look for something I can set aside in order to concentrate my efforts on this new goal?
• Do I ask for the right help at the right time to pursue my goals?

Do I Teach Others to Persevere?

• Do I give clear-cut objectives to the children so that they get used to persevering?
• Do I reason with the children so they recognize the importance of their goals and working to achieve them?
• Do I help the children foresee problems and figure out how to overcome them?

Please share your thoughts and comments.

Couple Prayer: The Year of Faith

Have you and your spouse begun to observe the Year of Faith together? In addition to our recommendation from November 15th to read the Catechism of the Catholic Church, here are 9 more ways that you can celebrate the Year of Faith with your spouse:

1. Share Your Faith with Another Married Couple
2. Pray Together for at Least Fifteen Minutes - ideas include visiting the Adoration Chapel, attend Mass with your spouse, walk the prayer trail at The Shrine of Christ's Passion, attend the weekly Family Rosary, and set aside time daily at home to pray with each other.  
3. Volunteer at Your Parish - there are many ways to become involved in the Marriage-Building Parish initiative at SJE.  View the many MBP volunteer opportunities or browse the parish website for other ministries that interest you.
4. Go to Confession - especially during this season of Advent preparation for Christmas.  View the Advent confession schedule.
5. Talk about Tough Issues while Remaining Faithful - attend a Worldwide Marriage Encounter weekend to move your relationship from "good to great." If you need a lifeline for your hurting marriage, attend the Northwest Indiana Retrouvaille weekend coming up January 25-27, 2013 in Chesterton, IN.
6. Start a Bible Study with Your Spouse - we have several home bible studies for adults in progress at SJE.  Join one today!  We also have small group studies for couples such as Together with Jesus Couple Prayer Series, Sacred Marriage, Graced and Gifted, Made for Each Other, Made for Life, and more.  Contact us if you'd like to start-up one of these small groups.
7. Read a Good Book on Catholic Theology - browse the Lending Library in the Narthex after Masses. You can view the online resource list as well.
8. Follow Updates on the Year of Faith
9. Renew Your Vows - or attend Mass on SJE's Marriage-Building Parish weekend during the month of your anniversary to receive a blessing.

Read the original article to view additional ideas and resources:
http://togetherforlifeonline.com/year-faith-married-couples/

A Legacy of Financial Peace: an SJE Testimonial

Our journey to financial peace began in January 2008.  Entering into marriage 10 years earlier, we were not carrying any credit card debt.  We made purchases only if we could afford to pay for them within 30 days.  But home ownership - and home improvement stores offering no payments, no interest for 1 year on credit purchases - were too tempting!  We began a cycle of planning home improvements, executing those plans, and paying for them by paying off the credit card one year later with our income tax return.  The madness of this situation hit us in January 2008 when a $10,000 tax return VANISHED within 10 minutes of entering our bank account.  Julie wrote checks to pay for 2007's vacation, jewelry and home improvements and there was nothing left.  We discontinued our annual tradition of immediately heading back to Menard's and Lowe's with project lists in hand, but we didn't have any direction for how to move forward.

In fall 2008 we signed up for the Crown Financial 10-week life group bible study through SJE.  Finally, someone proclaimed God's teaching about finances and faith.  Our hearts were open and we embraced His message of stewardship with joy.  We made our first budget, began tithing, and talking about financial stewardship with all of our friends.

A phone call from fellow bible study participant, Lisa DeBoer, led Julie to an information session about Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University beginning in January 2009.  Lisa had given us Dave's Total Money Makeover on CD for Christmas.  We listened to it on our annual drive to visit family for Christmas.  We were skeptical but excited.  But we had just finished our 10-week bible study and we weren't ready to commit to another 13 weekly meetings with 3 children (ages 7, 5 and 3) to find childcare for on school nights.  But after creatively "finding" $100 in the checkbook, Julie left the information session registered for a life-changing, roller-coaster ride to financial peace (and had to go home to convince Todd that we could "swing" the registration fee and evenings away from the children).

With Crown, our hearts were fully converted and we embraced stewarship.  With Financial Peace University, we discovered the tools that have helped us to achieve financial goals that we thought were only dreams.  We cut up the credit cards once and for all (about 15 of them) at our FPU class in 2009, our baby step #1 emergency fund hasn't dipped below $1,000 since we opened it, and we accelerated our remaining consumer debt and paid off a 5-year car loan in a little over 2 years (baby step #2).  Along with Lisa, we brought FPU to SJE later that year.

In February 2010 we learned an EXTREMELY important and life-changing lesson on leaving a legacy of financial peace.  On Ash Wednesday, Todd's dad unexpectedly passed away after a heart attack brought on by the stress of recovery from surgery to remove a tumor in his kidney.  Our lives changed forever.  It was our first experience losing an immediate family member.  And it impacted us financially too.  "Dude," as we affectionately called him, was our primary childcare provider when we wanted to run errands, see a movie, do our Christmas shopping, go for a date night, etc.  He was also our financial role model.  He worked hard for many years at the Amoco refinery in Whiting and retired early at 55.  He lived a fiscally conservative lifestyle.  He paid for everything in cash...a foreign concept to us for many years!  As a result, he was able to do whatever he chose to do during his retirement.  He traveled with us to Vegas many times, securing us free lodging and meals with his casino play so that we could enjoy the entertainment offered by the town.  And he was the most generous giver we knew.

Dude's final gift to us was financial peace.  Todd's inheritance helped us complete baby step #3, but it also taught us what Proverbs 13:22 should look like: "A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children."  We are committed to being responsible with the gift we have received, both financially and spiritually, so that we may do the same for our children and grandchildren.  We started FPU at SJE so that others could change their family legacy as well.  We see the fruits of that effort in many families...and we pray that yours will be the next! 

Advent Blessings,
Todd & Julie Zasada
December 2012

The new 9-week format of Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University will be offered at SJE on Thursday evenings beginning January 10, 2012.  For more information or to register online, please visit our website.

Reflections from Father Maletta

Father Maletta on Family Traditions (12/12/2010 - Gaudete Sunday: What Brings You Joy?)

"...What are you joyful for? ... My mind immediately went to something that I've been stewing in my head since Deacon Paul preached a few weeks ago and he mentioned family traditions. And maybe it's because this time of year that always happens and maybe because I realize that my parents aren't going to be around that much longer ... What I want to do is talk a little bit, share with you a little bit about some of the traditions, and why those family traditions are so important and what's really behind those family traditions... When I tell you about some of these family traditions, I want you to think about your family traditions. And if you don't have any family traditions right now, I want you to think about making some family traditions."
Listen to the full homily

Forming Our Youth: Optimism

Forming Our Youth:
a Marriage-Building Parish Building Block

We must form young people in the beliefs and virtues necessary for healthy relationships. > Read more about this building block

As part of the Marriage Building Parish initiative, the Catholic Family Institute, with permission from Four Court Press LTD, will feature excerpts from Mr. Isaac’s book each month in the bulletin and on this blog.



Character Building: A Guide for Parents and Teachers by David Isaacs

In his book, Mr. Isaacs explores twenty-four virtues we should develop to have more “self-mastery and better serve others,” abilities we all hope our children will have.  Recognizing that the example we set leaves a more lasting impression on our children than the words we say, each chapter includes a description of a virtue and a series of questions that help assess how well you are living that virtue and how well you are helping to develop the virtue in children/students.

The second virtue discussed is Optimism.

Optimism involves being realistic and consciously seeking the positive aspects of a situation before looking for the difficulties or looking for what can be gained by those difficulties. True optimism is motivated by self-confidence and a trust in the help of others, particularly in God’s help. The latter element is important, because confidence in and reliance solely on oneself may lead to naivety or pride.

An optimistic person:

• Is filled with inner peace.
• Always expects the best, but is willing to accept something less than perfect with good grace.
• Shows confidence in people’s potential instead of judging them merely by the facts of the situation.

Answer the following questions and discuss your reflections with a spouse/friend.

Am I Optimistic?

• Do I trust God so that, although I may find no sense in a specific event on a human level, I know that everything is for the good?
• In difficult situations, do I make an effort to discover something positive and try not to complain?
• Do I have self-confidence and make good use of the talents God has given me?

Do I Teach Others to Be Optimistic?

• Do I center my attention on what is positive in each child so that they learn to develop self-confidence?
• When objective, negative things occur – for example, an illness, a lack of loyalty in some friend, failing an exam – do I help the children look for something positive in the situation?  
• Do I teach the children to ask for the help needed to carry out their projects? (Children need to learn when to ask for help from their parents, from teachers and from their friends.  They should also get used to asking for God’s help, knowing that, in every way, everything will work out well.)

Please share your thoughts and comments.

Couple Prayer: Catechism of the Catholic Church

It has been a goal of ours from the beginning to tie the Marriage-Building Parish Initiative to the Year of Faith which began on October 11, 2012. We recognize that fostering a commitment to reading and understanding the richness of the Catechism of the Catholic Church, with an emphasis on the Creed, across all age groups and in the home will be the primary link between the two initiatives.

Read the Catechism in a Year
Sign-up to have a little bit of the Catechism delivered to your inbox every day using the link below.  Then spend time reflecting with your spouse each evening or once a week on what the readings meant to you, if they inspired you or challenged you, and what new concepts and teachings you are being exposed to.  Begin this time of reflection with a prayer to the Holy Spirit.

The CCC on Marriage
If you've never seen the Catechism of the Catholic Church before, you'll quickly discover that it's broken into Parts, Sections, Chapters, Articles and Paragraphs.  Married couples new to the CCC are encouraged to jump ahead to Part Two, Section Two, Chapter One, Article 7: The Sacrament of Matrimony (beginning at paragraph 1601) to discover the beauty of marriage in God's plan.  Read two or three paragraphs each day and use the aforementioned reflection technique with your spouse each evening or once a week.  Recite the USCCB's Prayer in Defense of Marriage before your reflection time.

Also recommended are Part Three, Section Two, Chapter Two, Articles 4-6 (beginning at paragraph 2196) which cover the Fourth, Fifth, and Sixth Commandments.  Couples will find extensive commentary on the role of the family in God's plan, what it means to be a Christian family, respect for human life and the dignity of persons, sexuality, chastity, and the love of husband and wife.

CCC Online
Don't own a copy of the Catechism?  > Read it on the USCCB Website
Or use the following subscription to receive excerpts in your inbox daily...

Resource Referral: Happy Together

Here's another featured marriage enrichment resource from the SJE Lending Library.  Borrow the book this weekend...

"Happy Together: The Catholic Blueprint for a Loving Marriage"
by John Bosio

"What you believe about your marriage and about your spouse shapes the way you treat your mate.  Ultimately what you believe about marriage influences whether you are happy or miserable in your relationship, and whether you stay married or not.

We Christians believe that God intends for marriage to bring joy to the human heart.  We are a gift to each other and find fulfillment and happiness together.  However, being a gift is not easy. Fortunately God had given us Christ who shows us how to be a gift and gives us the graces to follow him.

St Paul advised the Ephesians: 'Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church.' (Ephesians 5:25)   Blessed John Paul II echoed the words of Paul when he wrote in his Letter to Families (1994) 'Husbands and wives discover in Christ the point of reference for their spousal love.'

Happy Together asks the questions: How do we follow Christ's example in being a gift to each other?  How are we to love our spouse as Christ loved the Church?  The author finds the answer to these questions in Christ's acts of love for the Church as expressed in the Seven Sacraments.

In Baptism he welcomes us to his Kingdom.
In Confirmation he bind us to himself with the seal of the Holy Spirit.
In the Eucharist he gives himself totally to us, even to the point of dying on the cross.
In the sacrament of Reconciliation he forgives us.
In the Anointing of the Sick he heals us.
And in Holy Orders and Matrimony he serves the Church.

The Blueprint of Love, the qualities of spousal love that are explored in the chapters of this book are:
-Welcoming and Accepting each other
-Keeping our Commitment to being present to each other
-Being willing to Sacrifice for the sake of the relationship
-Forgiving and being willing to ask forgiveness
-Helping each other Heal
-and Serving each other and together Serving God.

In Christ's love for the Church we find the blueprint for our loving. When spouses follow the example of Jesus they become an image, a sacrament of divine love to each other and to their community.

Happy Together, the Catholic Blueprint for a Loving Marriage describes the blueprint for growth in your Christian marriage."

Explore more online resources from John Bosio at http://www.happy-together.net/

Reflections from Father Maletta

Father Maletta on Marriage (2/13/2011 - World Marriage Day)

"Every human being has an innate longing to find that special person.  To find someone that they can share their whole life with.  Someone who will be their partner in this journey of life.  Someone that they can trust and open themselves up to and feel at home with.  That's why so many people get married....

My point of the homily today is very simple: take your marriage seriously.  Take it seriously.  We know already that appoximately 50 percent of marriages end in divorce...

[Divorce is] like a living death.  When you lose someone you love, as horrible as that is, there's closure at least.  You can go to a grave and visit that grave.  When someone divorces you, especially when they find someone else, every time you see that person, every time you have to have contact with that person, it's that hurt and that death all over again...

What shocked me in looking at the latest statistics was this: ...the highest rate of increase in divorce in the United States is those people who have been married for 20 or more years."
Listen to the full homily

There are four stages of marriage: Romance, Disillusionment, Misery and Awakening

Marriage does not follow the Happily Ever After formula portrayed in popular media. Most couples whose marriages end in divorce are often people who never learned the proper tools for a happy marriage and became overwhelmed in disillusionment or misery. Do not lose hope!  Awakening is only a phone call away with Retrouvaille.

Couples in Retrouvaille learn to move from Misery to Awakening with learnable skills, attitudes and tools to combat the inevitable problems of the real world.  For more information, call (708) 802-1830 or (800) 470-2230.  Your call is confidential and will not be subject to third party discussion.

The next local Retrouvaille weekend is held November 29 - December 2, 2012 in St. Charles, Illinois.  Call for additional dates or weekend locations or visit www.retrouvaille.org.

Forming Our Youth: Fortitude

Forming Our Youth:
a Marriage-Building Parish Building Block

We must form young people in the beliefs and virtues necessary for healthy relationships. > Read more about this building block

As part of the Marriage Building Parish initiative, the Catholic Family Institute, with permission from Four Court Press LTD, will feature excerpts from Mr. Isaac’s book each month in the bulletin and on this blog.



Character Building: A Guide for Parents and Teachers by David Isaacs

In his book, Mr. Isaacs explores twenty-four virtues we should develop to have more “self-mastery and better serve others,” abilities we all hope our children will have.  Recognizing that the example we set leaves a more lasting impression on our children than the words we say, each chapter includes a description of a virtue and a series of questions that help assess how well you are living that virtue and how well you are helping to develop the virtue in children/students.

The second virtue discussed is Fortitude (or Courage).

Having fortitude or courage means that a person resists harmful influences, withstands difficulties and strives to act positively to overcome obstacles and undertake great deeds. It is daily choosing right over wrong and overcoming fear, foolishness and indifference to do good for others and society at large.

A truly courageous person must:

• Move beyond selfishness to love and serve others and constantly work to surpass his/her personal best to yield more as a way to give glory to God.
• Accept what happens to him/her in a sportsmanlike way and try to find the positive in the most disagreeable situations.
• Be able to put up with discomfort and deprivation without complaint.
• Be willing to attempt something even if it is difficult or arduous.
• Show initiative and try to be a part of the solution rather than just complaining about the problem.

Answer the following questions and discuss your reflections with a spouse/friend.

Do I Practice Fortitude?

• Do I try to overcome laziness, routine and blind imitation of others by thinking for myself, in light of Church teaching, about what is really "right?"
• Do I make an effort to carry out everyday chores carefully and lovingly and always do my "best" at even the most mundane of tasks?
• Do I complain frequently about personal discomfort, difficulties and the world around me?

Do I Teach Others to Practice Fortitude?

• Do I help the children discover what "good" means in each circumstance?
• Do I try to get the children to solve their own problems?
• Do I help the children gradually face up to things that scare them?
• Do I look for ways for the children to become enthusiastic and take initiative about a worthwhile project and to see it through despite difficulties?
• Do I encourage and provide activities for the children that require physical effort?

Please share your thoughts and comments.

Praying for Marriage with Kirk Cameron (video)

Male Purity: an SJE Testimonial

I Am Many Things...A Testimonial on Purity

I am many things… I am blessed to be a very happily married husband and father. I am a working professional with graduate degrees. I am an active parishioner at SJE. And I am a recovering pornography addict. However, with the help of God’s grace, the support and prayers of my wife and the Men in Christ ministry, I am now healing.

For many men, this temptation is seemingly impossible to overcome. But nothing, even this addiction, is impossible to overcome or conquer with the help of God, the sacraments, family, and others. The first step in my experience is most importantly admitting to self, God, and spouse (that was by far the hardest), that you have an addiction. Next is seeking help from whatever and whomever it takes. The Men in Christ ministry of St. John the Evangelist parish is a confidential group of men who help others that are struggling with this addiction while healing themselves.

Job 31:1 – “I have made a covenant with my eyes…” This is the motto of an internet filtering (and accountability) service. Having accountability to others, whether they are your spouse, deacon, or fellow church members is crucial. Several internet filtering services provide not only “blocking” of pornographic materials, but also regularly send e-mail summaries of “what your eyes have been seeing” to your accountability partner(s). From personal experience, this option was and continues to be invaluable to help me overcome this addiction.

“...God does not expect you to make that climb from the bottom of this dark pit on your own. He will stand at the top of the pit with His hand stretched down to you, helping you up and welcoming you when you reach the top again. ” St. Joseph, pray for us and help me become the husband, father, and son that God knows I can be and my family deserves.

Yes, I am many things…. now I am becoming a new creation in Christ who strengthens me! - anonymous SJE parishioner

Learn more about SJE's Men in Christ ministry and how they can help you live a life of purity.

Reflections from Father Maletta

Father Maletta on the Sanctity of Life (10/5/2008 Respect Life Sunday)

"...Never have we seen such abusive criticism directed towards those who believe that life begins at conception and ends with natural death.  In the public forum today, if you speak a pro-life message you are immediately targeted and characterized as some kind of nut and extremist.  So this pro-life Sunday becomes more important than ever before.

But as Catholics, we should not be surprised by the developments.  Forty years ago, when Pope Paul VI issued the encyclical Humanae Vitae, which was uniformly criticized, put aside, late night TV comedians made fun of it, it became the but of many jokes.  But in that encyclical, the Pope predicted that the widespread use of artificial contraceptives would lead to an increase in marital infidelity, lessen the regard for women, and a general lowering of moral standards, especially among the young.  Now we look at this 40 years later and social scientists, not necessarily Catholics, attest to the accuracy of his predictions.  As if we were following some bizarre script.  The sexual revolution has produced widespread marital breakdown.  Actually, 52% of all marriages end in divorce.  Think about that.  More marriages fail than succeed these days.  And the statistics do no change when you look at Catholic marriages versus other marriages.  The same exact statistics apply.  And when the family breaks down, all kinds of other things happen..."
Listen to the full homily

> Learn more about God's plan for marriage and family:  Natural Family Planning.  Visit SJE's NFP Network for more information.

> Find help for hurting marriages with Retrouvaille...a Lifeline for Married Couples  Local weekends are held 5-6 times per year as well as hundreds of locations worldwide.

Forming Our Youth: Generosity

Forming Our Youth:
a Marriage-Building Parish Building Block

We must form young people in the beliefs and virtues necessary for healthy relationships. > Read more about this building block

As part of the Marriage Building Parish initiative, the Catholic Family Institute, with permission from Four Court Press LTD, will feature excerpts from Mr. Isaac’s book each month in the bulletin and on this blog.



Character Building: A Guide for Parents and Teachers by David Isaacs

In his book, Mr. Isaacs explores twenty-four virtues we should develop to have more “self-mastery and better serve others,” abilities we all hope our children will have.  Recognizing that the example we set leaves a more lasting impression on our children than the words we say, each chapter includes a description of a virtue and a series of questions that help assess how well you are living that virtue and how well you are helping to develop the virtue in children/students.

The first virtue discussed is Generosity.

Generosity involves unselfishly and cheerfully sacrificing for the benefit of others something that we could use for our own benefit.  We can be generous with our things( money, food, and tangible possessions).  We can also be generous with our time (listening to people, helping them with a favor or project, volunteering for a ministry or cause).  However, generosity also calls us to be willing to accept help from others and to let them be generous to us.

A truly generous person must:

• be aware of the value of that which is being given. 
• give according to the true needs of others.
• give to all and not only those he/she likes or who can repay in some way in the future.
• be motivated by the Love of God and the belief that all people are created in His Image and are deserving of help and service.
• be able to forgive those who have wronged her/him.

Answer the following questions and discuss your reflections with a spouse/friend.

Am I Generous Myself?

• Do I recognize what my talents are and put them at the service of others?  
• Do I carry out the following actions quite frequently: lend things, give things away, am available, listen to others, make reasonable demands?  Am I willing even to sacrifice the time I spend on hobbies for the good of others?
• Do I let people be generous to me?

Do I Teach Others to Be Generous?

• Do I offer the children opportunities to decide freely if they are prepared to carry out actions to help others? 
• Do I help the children discover what their reasons are for helping others?
• Do I try to find ways of helping the children overcome their tendency to want to be easy-going, and to overcome their laziness or their lack of interest, in order to start worrying about others?

Please share your thoughts and comments.

Are we done? an SJE Testimonial

My wife and I had been promoters of [Natural Family Planning] for years and were on the verge of becoming certified NFP instructors. We had practiced NFP successfully for the first 10 years of our marriage — we achieved pregnancy within a month or two for each of our planned three children and avoided pregnancy when we prayerfully discerned it was not the right time. We were thrilled with the accuracy of NFP and its benefits for our marriage and spiritual lives.

Then the shocker came: an unplanned pregnancy. I was upset because I thought we had practiced NFP “by the book” and experienced method error. I was very angry since I had already opened my heart to God’s will and stretched my boundaries by moving forward with a third child — something I never expected to desire. Now God was giving us another child, with little room left in our house and all our baby items sold of in a garage sale the summer before. Ire boiled up inside me as I considered the situation: we would need a bigger house and the higher bills that come with it; we would have to attempt to defend NFP when it had so clearly failed us; and we would need to stave of the ridicule of our parents, siblings, friends and acquaintances who think we are foolish for not utilizing contraception or sterilization.

During a brutal week of soul searching, questioning and not being too pleased with God, my wife sought the counsel of a wise mother in our parish. When my wife and I sat down to talk the issue out, she passed on her friend’s thoughts. Her analysis was very straight-forward — if you’re going to talk the talk, then you have to walk the walk. For years I told others how NFP opens your life to God’s will and solidifies a pro-life attitude. Now it was time for me to accept the situation and respond accordingly.

After that night my attitude remarkably improved. I made my peace with God, my wife and my new child. My wife and I formed a united front to respond to others’ criticisms. And my wife and I moved forward with all the work required to acquire a new home and accepted the financial sacrifices required to accommodate the new addition.

Now our daughter is 20-months-old. Life is harder with a toddler as lack of sleep, continual monitoring, and diaper changing take their toll. Still, we are blessed with a unique, beautiful, and snuggly baby girl, a perfect new house in a wonderful neighborhood, a surprisingly better financial footing than forecasted and a deeper faith in God.

Oh, and looking back on the circumstances of the supposed method error that led to the unexpected pregnancy, we detected no fewer than five separate instances of user error during the cycle we conceived. We have since modified our NFP witness talk to include three perfectly planned pregnancies and one unexpected blessing achieved through comically poor practice of NFP. We have learned that God always provides, even when our intelligence is nowhere to be found! - Jim Czarnik

Jim's testimony was published in the July/August 2012 issue of Family Foundations.  Read similar testimonies from couples as they discerned family size at the Art of NFP blog as well.

Visit SJE's NFP Network to learn more about Natural Family Planning classes, the method, video testimonies and more.

Couple Prayer: Top 10 Love Stories

Continuing on our theme from last month of using the Bible as a resource for couple prayer - here's a list of "Top 10 Love Stories" recently published in Our Sunday Visitor.  Spend time reading the passages together and prayerfully meditate upon the scripture.  Discuss how each passage makes you feel, if it reminds you of a particular season or experience in your own marriage, and what virtues or lessons our Lord is sharing with you.


10. Tobiah and Sarah (Tb 7–8): A classic story of love at first sight, this couple overcame personal tragedy to establish a long-lasting relationship founded on prayer.

9. The Woman of Worth and Her (Unnamed) Husband (Prv 31:10–31): A lovely poem praising a woman who can do it all! She and her husband have a wonderful partnership, using their gifts to the benefit of their family and community.

8. Hosea and Gomer (Hos 1–3): Though their marriage was fraught with infidelity and difficulties, their love story speaks to the healing power of forgiveness and its necessity in any loving relationship.

7. Abraham and Sarah (Gn 12–23): No one can say that Abraham and Sarah had it easy. They faced a long move away from family, jealousy and the challenge of infertility, yet their love was the foundation of a new people, living in covenant with the one true God.

6. Moses and Zipporah (Ex 2,4,18; Nm 12): While in exile from Egypt, Moses married Zipporah, the daughter of the Midianite priest, Jethro. Though Moses was criticized for taking a foreign wife, Zipporah showed great respect for her husband’s faith and his mission.

5. Zechariah and Elizabeth (Lk 1–2): These parents of John the Baptist provide a model of lifelong fidelity and righteousness, living their marital love in the heart of their close-knit faith community.

4. Jacob and Rachel (Gn 29–30): Tricked into marrying her older sister, Jacob worked for Rachel’s father an additional seven years to earn her hand in marriage. Jacob and Rachel remind us that true love always requires effort and sacrifice.

3. The Bride and Groom in the Song of Songs (Song 1–8): This young couple reminds us that passion is not a modern invention! After all, who could resist hearing their beloved say, “You ravished my heart with one glance of your eyes” (Song 4:9)? Their effusive love for each other speaks to the beauty of loving desire at the heart of a marriage.

2. Joseph and Mary (Mt 1–2; Lk 1–2): Though this marriage definitely faced difficulties, even before it started, Joseph and Mary’s faith in each other and, even more, in God, allowed them to face each hardship and create a loving family to nurture God’s own Son.

1. God and his people: At its heart, the entire Bible is the story of the love God has for the people he created in his own image and likeness. From the Old Testament images of Israel as the Bride of the Lord to the New Testament images of the Church as the Bride of Christ, God’s love remains constant and unfailing. Though we often reject his love, God never withdraws, never walks away, even sending his only-begotten Son to offer the gift of salvation and everlasting life! And that gift is still offered to us today!

Resource Referral: The 2 Degree Difference

Borrow this easy-to-read, and easy-to implement, marriage resource from the Lending Library:

"The 2 Degree Difference: How Small Things Can Change Everything"

by John Trent, Ph.D.

"All our lives we've been told that 'big problems' require 'big solutions' and that taking big steps is the best way to reach our most sought after goals. 

Dr. Trent shares in The 2 Degree Difference that this theory creates more problems than solutions. So many people start and fail diets that promise "huge changes" and deliver nothing, or read books or go to seminars that promise to make 180 degree changes in our relationships and spiritual life, and yet people 'wake up' and discover they haven't really moved an inch toward where they really want to go. 

The 2 Degree Difference provides a solution to that problem. It shows that by making small changes in your life, not only can you accomplish that 180 degree transformation, but you can also sustain it as well.

This inspiring and entertaining book is perfect for anyone looking to make long lasting changes in their life."

Learn more about Dr. John Trent at his Strong Families website.

Reflections from Father Maletta

December 17, 2006: Father Maletta's homily begins with the story of a marriage, an illustration where every person can find a piece of their own story when marriage becomes more challenging and less rewarding than anticipated.

The words of St. Paul command:

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I shall say it again: rejoice! Your kindness should be known to all. The Lord is near. Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me. Then the God of peace will be with you." (Philippians 4:4-9)

Father Maletta explains...

"[God's] love established joy and peace in heaven. And when given a chance here on earth, can be active in human society today...

How do you reconcile a command to rejoice, with a life that offers little to rejoice over? Is it possible to reconcile a feeling of personal hopelessness with a season of hope? Yeah. Certainly. Of course! How? Well, start by thinking less about yourselves and more about God."

Listen to the full homily

Couple Prayer: The Book of Tobit

Have you ever used the Bible as a source of prayer with your spouse?  The Book of Tobit offers a beautiful prayer that you can add to your daily or weekly spiritual exercises.

An Introduction to the Book of Tobit

"The Book of Tobit, named after its principal character, combines Jewish piety and morality with folklore in a fascinating story that has enjoyed wide popularity in both Jewish and Christian circles. Prayers, psalms, and words of wisdom, as well as the skillfully constructed story itself, provide valuable insights into the faith and the religious milieu of its unknown author. The book was probably written early in the second century B.C.; it is not known where.

Tobit, a devout and wealthy Israelite living among the captives deported to Nineveh from the Northern Kingdom of Israel in 722/721 B.C., suffers severe reverses and is finally blinded. Because of his misfortunes he begs the Lord to let him die. But recalling the large sum he had formerly deposited in far-off Media, he sends his son Tobiah there to bring back the money. In Media, at this same time, a young woman, Sarah, also prays for death, because she has lost seven husbands, each killed in turn on his wedding night by the demon Asmodeus. God hears the prayers of Tobit and Sarah and sends the angel Raphael in human form to aid them both.

Raphael makes the trip to Media with Tobiah. When Tobiah is attacked by a large fish as he bathes in the Tigris River, Raphael orders him to seize it and to remove its gall, heart, and liver because they are useful for medicine. Later, at Raphael’s urging, Tobiah marries Sarah, and uses the fish’s heart and liver to drive Asmodeus from the bridal chamber. Returning to Nineveh with his wife and his father’s money, Tobiah rubs the fish’s gall into his father’s eyes and cures him. Finally, Raphael reveals his true identity and returns to heaven. Tobit then utters his beautiful hymn of praise. Before dying, Tobit tells his son to leave Nineveh because God will destroy that wicked city. After Tobiah buries his father and mother, he and his family depart for Media, where he later learns that the destruction of Nineveh has taken place.

The inspired author of the book used the literary form of religious novel (as in Esther and Judith) for the purpose of instruction and edification. The seemingly historical data, names of kings, cities, etc., are used as vivid details not only to create interest and charm, but also to illustrate the negative side of the theory of retribution: the wicked are indeed punished." (http://www.usccb.org/bible/scripture.cfm?bk=Tobit&ch=)

Tobiah's Prayer
(Tobit 8:4-8)

When Sarah’s parents left the bedroom and closed the door behind them, Tobiah rose from bed and said to his wife, “My sister, come, let us pray and beg our Lord to grant us mercy and protection.”

She got up, and they started to pray and beg that they might be protected. He began with these words:
“Blessed are you, O God of our ancestors;
blessed be your name forever and ever!
Let the heavens and all your creation bless you forever.

You made Adam, and you made his wife Eve
to be his helper and support;
and from these two the human race has come.
You said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone;
let us make him a helper like himself.’

Now, not with lust,
but with fidelity I take this kinswoman as my wife.
Send down your mercy on me and on her,
and grant that we may grow old together.
Bless us with children.”

They said together, “Amen, amen!”

Achieving Financial Peace: an SJE Testimonial

It is with great joy and elation that Greg and I are pleased to announce that we are debt free (everything except the home mortgage)! By the Grace of God we were able to pay off $123,146.22 of consumer debt (including a second mortgage) since November 2006. Since that time in 2006 we gave birth to two children, had a child diagnosed with Autism, miscarried 1 daughter, lost my mother Barbara Andreani, survived cuts in pay due to the economic downturn and had to pay for childcare for 4 children (including 1 with special needs). Our road has not been easy but we have been blessed!

It was our friend Beth who tried to talk to us about money & budgeting early in our marriage in 2000 in Indianapolis. We did not listen. We even enrolled in a Debt Managment Plan at Consumer Credit Counseling Services (non-profit). We were buried in student loans and filled our lives with our wants despite being in the Debt Management Plan. Delayed gratification, what is that? The damage was done. We bought 2 new vehicles. We bought a house that was & is too big for 1 salary. Our journey out of the financial morass began when we both attended a Crown Ministries Journey to Financial Freedom Seminar (now called a Crown Money Map Seminar) on November 4, 2006. It was at this event that Greg and I were able to begin to communicate about money in our marriage for the first time. We began tithing and acknowledged God as the owner of all we were entrusted with, even if we had horribly mismanaged it so far. Most importantly we cut up our credit cards even thought we had balances remaining and vowed to never use them again. We promised to incur no more debt. In the fall of 2008 we participated in a small group Crown 10 week Biblical Financial Study in our church. We attended Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University in January of 2009 which solidified the lessons we still needed to learn about budgeting and working together as a couple. In the summer of 2011 we facilitated our first Financial Peace University at our church St. John the Evangelist Catholic Church in St. John IN. And in the fall of 2011 we joined Dave Ramsey's Great Recovery.

We want to encourage and support others in our families & community who may be in debt, that if we can do it despite life's adversities, anyone can. There IS hope if you are drowning in debt! If you know of anyone who needs help or encouragement, we are here to help let others know that it can be done. Bankruptcy is not the only way out of debt. We believe and are the living testimonies that God WILL provide.

Two verses that inspired us during our journey out of debt:
"The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is the slave of the lender." Proverbs 22:7

"Steady plodding brings prosperity; hasty speculation brings poverty." Proverbs 21:5

We are eternally grateful to those of you who have supported, inspired and encouraged us through this struggle. We pray that God blesses each of you abundantly!

Yours In Christ,
Greg & Louise Carr
September 2011

Financial Peace University will be offered at SJE beginning September 5, 2012.  For more information or to register online, please visit our website.

Resource Referral: Financial Peace

Can you guess four things that couples should talk about before marriage?

According to Dave Ramsey, a financial author, radio host, television personality, and motivational speaker, they are: money, religion, kids and in-laws.  Read Dave's full article here.  Notice that money is first on the list?  Even though its one of the leading causes of divorce, and in many studies the number one reason, financial challenges can be overcome with increased communication, common goals and a plan.

If this is an area you struggle with, we have several Dave Ramsey resources available for loan in the Lending Library.  The Total Money Makeover is just one example of Dave's books that is full of practical advice and easy-to-implement tools to put you and your spouse on the same page.  In fact, it's so valuable that we have started offering it to our engaged couples during marriage preparation class!

For a more extensive and interactive option, consider Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University offered at SJE two or three times each year!  This popular class has been completely revised and updated.  It's now 9 weeks long (instead of 13) and can be taken for free by current FPU alumni!  For new participants, the cost is $95 and one membership kit with materials can be used by your whole family. Plus, you can take additional classes at any time in the future!

The next SJE-based Financial Peace University series will be held on Wednesday nights from 7:00 to 9:00 PM in the Panel Room beginning September 5th.  Registration is open to everyone - you don't have to be an SJE parishioner.  Register online today!

Reflections from Father Maletta

Father Maletta on Christian Marriage (10/6/2006)

"In Mark’s Gospel, Jesus answers the Pharisees by saying there is no objection that will justify divorce. Not what they expected to hear. Without doubt one of the hard sayings of Jesus. We as faithful sons and daughters of the Church must follow the Church’s guidance in these matters. However, following the teaching of the Church, we can never leave behind or become insensitive to those who have been unable to do so. The people sitting next you are among those divorced. Their pain is real. They are our brothers and sisters. We should reach out in comfort and double our efforts to love. It makes no sense to spend time judging. It is clear from the Gospel passage read today that Jesus wants to make marital stability a priority. What has happened has happened. What we ought to do is put more energy into saving the marriages that exist. That’s exactly what Jesus wants us to do. He wants each of us, those of you who are engaged in marriage, who are in a marriage right now to develop the specific skills necessary in order to stay together. We can argue all we want why some divorces are necessary or why some marriages should be dissolved, but the bottom line is this. You cannot argue with the Word of God. Jesus wants marriages to last.

As your pastor, it is more than a little frustrating that so many of you fail to seek help until there is no other resort. Listen. It is wiser to seek help sooner than later. Little things eventually become big things. The movement from committed love to barely holding on takes place in baby steps not quantum leaps. Let me offer you some observations this morning. Let me clearly state I am no psychological. Nor am I a professional social worker. I am something better. I am a priest. So what I offer you is observations from a priestly heart. Take it for what it’s worth. The fist observation that I think works against the Sacrament of Marriage is unrealistic expectations."

Listen to the full homily

National NFP Awareness Week

July 22-28, 2012

Natural Family Planning Awareness Week is a national educational campaign. The Natural Family Planning Program of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops develops a poster each year.

The dates of Natural Family Planning Awareness Week highlight the anniversary of the papal encyclical Humanae Vitae (July 25) which articulates Catholic beliefs about human sexuality, conjugal love and responsible parenthood. The dates also mark the feast of Saints Joachim and Anne (July 26), the parents of the Blessed Mother.

Practicing Natural Family Planning in your marriage can make a difference, because NFP is more than just a way to plan your family. NFP changes the way you relate to your spouse, because it allows you to give each other the complete gift of yourselves with nothing changed and nothing held back. With NFP, you truly live the love of your marriage vows!

At St. John the Evangelist Parish, our NFP Network offers a variety of resources on Natural Family Planning  from NFP instructional classes for couples to books, CDs and DVDs in the Lending Library of the church narthex.  Watch video testimonies from 3 couples whose marriages have been changed forever by NFP.  Learn the history of contraception and several reasons why not to use it from Dr. Janet E. Smith.  If you have more questions, just ask!  Couples are standing by to share why using NFP is the best choice you can make for your marriage.

Mission Trip Strengthens Marriage

In August 2006, my wife and I decided to go on a mission trip to New Orleans.   More accurately, my wife decided to take this trip.  Me signing up to ‘tag along’ was something that surprised her at the time but became an experience that we both still highly value today for a great number of reasons.

The parish, led by Helen Rutkowski, was planning a mission trip to help the rebuilding process in neighborhoods devastated by Hurricane Katrina a year earlier.  I was proud of Wen Dee’s conviction to more fully live out her faith, committing her time and energy to helping others she had not met.  I was also quite interested, but was drawn more by a work ethic and curiosity of the damage done to a great American city than any expression of faith.  I was not Catholic or a regular churchgoer.  My wife asked me to join her on the mission, but knowing that the mission would include faith meetings, mass, and two van loads of eager Catholics she did not expect me join her.   Besides that curiosity, I decided to sign up simply to spend a week with my wife.

That week brought us closer together as a married couple, but it also brought us closer together as a family of faith.  “Life gets in the way.”  A common refrain among those busy balancing work and family.  Friends, even good friends, fade as the responsibilities of life get in the way.  Marriage, no matter how deep the love, does as well without a conscious decision to make time for your partner.  The week we spent driving to New Orleans, working incredibly hard next to each other, and driving back from New Orleans was planned time together enabling us to share a common experience.  That experience brought us closer together not just due to time spent but by humbling each of us as to how much God has given us.  How fortunate we are.  And meeting those who have been devastated, those that have every opportunity to be bitter, but instead are filled with joy and appreciation for what God has given them is an awe inspiring experience.   Helping the homeowner, Dorothy,  gave both Wen Dee and me a sense of connection to our faith and fellow man that is very hard to recognize during the routine of day to day routines.

But in addition to bringing Wen Dee and I closer, our mission trip together helped ignite what became my conversion to Catholicism in 2010.  Spending time with our members of our parish community made me more comfortable joining my wife at mass.  I had attended the faith meetings each night during our mission in New Orleans.  I was strictly an observer, sometimes impatiently waiting for it to end so I could grab my wife and get dinner.  But during those meetings as well as during our work each day I saw that the people on this mission trip were people of sincere faith.  Kind people with kind hearts that were truly interested in helping those we traveled so far to help, but also truly interested in the fellowship of the others (including me) on this trip.  People that did not preach their faith to the non-Catholic in the group, but people demonstrating their faith through their actions.  That example led me to become more involved with other families at school (our small children attend SJE) and in turn made me much more comfortable attending mass.

There was nothing wrong with our marriage back in 2005.  This mission trip does, however, remain a memory that helps bind our marriage.  All experiences that a couple share help in that regard.  But this mission trip also helped bring us together as a family in Christ, and as a result our commitment to each other and to our marriage is stronger today than the day we were married.

-Mike Anderson

Resource Referral: Sacred Marriage

Looking for a book or DVD that you and your spouse can use on your own for marriage enrichment? Look no further than Gary Thomas' outstanding book..."Sacred Marriage: What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?" For those who have attended one of the CFI romantic dinners for couples at the Rectory, this resource will surely be familiar.

From Gary's website: "Scores of books have been written that offer guidance for building the marriage of your dreams. Yet, what if God’s primary intent for your marriage isn’t to make you happy...but holy? And, what if your relationship isn’t as much about you and your spouse as it is about you and God? In this popular bestselling book, Gary Thomas uncovers how your marriage can become a doorway to a closer walk with God and each other. You will learn how to:
-Turn marital struggles into spiritual and personal appreciation.
-Love your spouse with a stronger sense of purpose.
-Partner in the spiritual growth and character formation of your spouse.
-Transform a "tired" marriage into a relationship filled with awe and respect.

Your marriage is much more than a union between you and your spouse. It is a spiritual discipline ideally suited to help you know God more fully and intimately. Sacred Marriage shifts the focus from marital enrichment to spiritual enrichment in ways that can help you love your mate more. Whether it is delightful or difficult, your marriage can become a doorway to a closer walk with God.

Everything about your marriage—everything from the history you and your spouse create, to the love you share, to the forgiveness you both offer and seek by turn—is filled with the capacity to help you grow in Christ's character."

Borrow the book Sacred Marriage or Gary's 4-hour seminar DVD from the CFI Lending Library in the church narthex. Or watch the first session of Gary's Sacred Marriage 6-session, small-group series online at YouTube.

Reflections from Father Maletta

Father Maletta on Fatherhood (6/17/2007)

"...what if instead children grew up learning to do as we do and to love as we love, following the example of their parents. For example, let our sons learn how a woman should be treated by watching their father honor their mother. Let them long for healthy and whole relationships by watching their fathers love their mothers. Let them learn how not to objectify a woman’s body by watching their father’s eyes in public and listening to how he speaks of women.

And let our daughters set expectations on whom they will date and how they will be treated by men, remembering how dad treated mom. Let them hope that their prince charming will behave like their own father did.

If we dare to call ourselves Christians then we must love as Jesus loved and at the core of Jesus love is sacrifice. If men are to demonstrate Christ like love to their wives, then it ought to be, it must be sacrificial love!"

Listen to the full homily