Reflections from Father Maletta

Father Maletta on Christian Marriage (10/6/2006)

"In Mark’s Gospel, Jesus answers the Pharisees by saying there is no objection that will justify divorce. Not what they expected to hear. Without doubt one of the hard sayings of Jesus. We as faithful sons and daughters of the Church must follow the Church’s guidance in these matters. However, following the teaching of the Church, we can never leave behind or become insensitive to those who have been unable to do so. The people sitting next you are among those divorced. Their pain is real. They are our brothers and sisters. We should reach out in comfort and double our efforts to love. It makes no sense to spend time judging. It is clear from the Gospel passage read today that Jesus wants to make marital stability a priority. What has happened has happened. What we ought to do is put more energy into saving the marriages that exist. That’s exactly what Jesus wants us to do. He wants each of us, those of you who are engaged in marriage, who are in a marriage right now to develop the specific skills necessary in order to stay together. We can argue all we want why some divorces are necessary or why some marriages should be dissolved, but the bottom line is this. You cannot argue with the Word of God. Jesus wants marriages to last.

As your pastor, it is more than a little frustrating that so many of you fail to seek help until there is no other resort. Listen. It is wiser to seek help sooner than later. Little things eventually become big things. The movement from committed love to barely holding on takes place in baby steps not quantum leaps. Let me offer you some observations this morning. Let me clearly state I am no psychological. Nor am I a professional social worker. I am something better. I am a priest. So what I offer you is observations from a priestly heart. Take it for what it’s worth. The fist observation that I think works against the Sacrament of Marriage is unrealistic expectations."

Listen to the full homily

National NFP Awareness Week

July 22-28, 2012

Natural Family Planning Awareness Week is a national educational campaign. The Natural Family Planning Program of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops develops a poster each year.

The dates of Natural Family Planning Awareness Week highlight the anniversary of the papal encyclical Humanae Vitae (July 25) which articulates Catholic beliefs about human sexuality, conjugal love and responsible parenthood. The dates also mark the feast of Saints Joachim and Anne (July 26), the parents of the Blessed Mother.

Practicing Natural Family Planning in your marriage can make a difference, because NFP is more than just a way to plan your family. NFP changes the way you relate to your spouse, because it allows you to give each other the complete gift of yourselves with nothing changed and nothing held back. With NFP, you truly live the love of your marriage vows!

At St. John the Evangelist Parish, our NFP Network offers a variety of resources on Natural Family Planning  from NFP instructional classes for couples to books, CDs and DVDs in the Lending Library of the church narthex.  Watch video testimonies from 3 couples whose marriages have been changed forever by NFP.  Learn the history of contraception and several reasons why not to use it from Dr. Janet E. Smith.  If you have more questions, just ask!  Couples are standing by to share why using NFP is the best choice you can make for your marriage.

Mission Trip Strengthens Marriage

In August 2006, my wife and I decided to go on a mission trip to New Orleans.   More accurately, my wife decided to take this trip.  Me signing up to ‘tag along’ was something that surprised her at the time but became an experience that we both still highly value today for a great number of reasons.

The parish, led by Helen Rutkowski, was planning a mission trip to help the rebuilding process in neighborhoods devastated by Hurricane Katrina a year earlier.  I was proud of Wen Dee’s conviction to more fully live out her faith, committing her time and energy to helping others she had not met.  I was also quite interested, but was drawn more by a work ethic and curiosity of the damage done to a great American city than any expression of faith.  I was not Catholic or a regular churchgoer.  My wife asked me to join her on the mission, but knowing that the mission would include faith meetings, mass, and two van loads of eager Catholics she did not expect me join her.   Besides that curiosity, I decided to sign up simply to spend a week with my wife.

That week brought us closer together as a married couple, but it also brought us closer together as a family of faith.  “Life gets in the way.”  A common refrain among those busy balancing work and family.  Friends, even good friends, fade as the responsibilities of life get in the way.  Marriage, no matter how deep the love, does as well without a conscious decision to make time for your partner.  The week we spent driving to New Orleans, working incredibly hard next to each other, and driving back from New Orleans was planned time together enabling us to share a common experience.  That experience brought us closer together not just due to time spent but by humbling each of us as to how much God has given us.  How fortunate we are.  And meeting those who have been devastated, those that have every opportunity to be bitter, but instead are filled with joy and appreciation for what God has given them is an awe inspiring experience.   Helping the homeowner, Dorothy,  gave both Wen Dee and me a sense of connection to our faith and fellow man that is very hard to recognize during the routine of day to day routines.

But in addition to bringing Wen Dee and I closer, our mission trip together helped ignite what became my conversion to Catholicism in 2010.  Spending time with our members of our parish community made me more comfortable joining my wife at mass.  I had attended the faith meetings each night during our mission in New Orleans.  I was strictly an observer, sometimes impatiently waiting for it to end so I could grab my wife and get dinner.  But during those meetings as well as during our work each day I saw that the people on this mission trip were people of sincere faith.  Kind people with kind hearts that were truly interested in helping those we traveled so far to help, but also truly interested in the fellowship of the others (including me) on this trip.  People that did not preach their faith to the non-Catholic in the group, but people demonstrating their faith through their actions.  That example led me to become more involved with other families at school (our small children attend SJE) and in turn made me much more comfortable attending mass.

There was nothing wrong with our marriage back in 2005.  This mission trip does, however, remain a memory that helps bind our marriage.  All experiences that a couple share help in that regard.  But this mission trip also helped bring us together as a family in Christ, and as a result our commitment to each other and to our marriage is stronger today than the day we were married.

-Mike Anderson

Resource Referral: Sacred Marriage

Looking for a book or DVD that you and your spouse can use on your own for marriage enrichment? Look no further than Gary Thomas' outstanding book..."Sacred Marriage: What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?" For those who have attended one of the CFI romantic dinners for couples at the Rectory, this resource will surely be familiar.

From Gary's website: "Scores of books have been written that offer guidance for building the marriage of your dreams. Yet, what if God’s primary intent for your marriage isn’t to make you happy...but holy? And, what if your relationship isn’t as much about you and your spouse as it is about you and God? In this popular bestselling book, Gary Thomas uncovers how your marriage can become a doorway to a closer walk with God and each other. You will learn how to:
-Turn marital struggles into spiritual and personal appreciation.
-Love your spouse with a stronger sense of purpose.
-Partner in the spiritual growth and character formation of your spouse.
-Transform a "tired" marriage into a relationship filled with awe and respect.

Your marriage is much more than a union between you and your spouse. It is a spiritual discipline ideally suited to help you know God more fully and intimately. Sacred Marriage shifts the focus from marital enrichment to spiritual enrichment in ways that can help you love your mate more. Whether it is delightful or difficult, your marriage can become a doorway to a closer walk with God.

Everything about your marriage—everything from the history you and your spouse create, to the love you share, to the forgiveness you both offer and seek by turn—is filled with the capacity to help you grow in Christ's character."

Borrow the book Sacred Marriage or Gary's 4-hour seminar DVD from the CFI Lending Library in the church narthex. Or watch the first session of Gary's Sacred Marriage 6-session, small-group series online at YouTube.